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The latest item of whimsy to come across our desks is a mystical t-shirt that, legend has it, contains magical powers. Available on amazon.com, the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt (available in various sizes) is flying out of the warehouse, selling at unprecedented rates. To the unrefined eye, this t-shirt may seem rather ‘provincial’ or ‘tacky’ or ‘an eyesore’ – but to a true t-shirt connoisseur, like commenter Bee-Dot-Govern, this t-shirt is a marvel.
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.-Bee-dot-Govern
Other purchases of this talismanic tee have sang their praises. In fact 836 people have commented on the shirt – a sure record for a t-shirt. Other comments include gems like, “Be forewarned. Do not purchase this garment unless you fully understand the effects of time travel” and “My brother and I both got the shirt, one time he put on both of ours at the same time. He’s dead now.”
So go forth, loyal reader, and purchase this shirt of awesome power. Now if we can only get one with 3 Blue Hens squawking at the sunrise, we’d be in business.
Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, Available in Various Sizes [amazon.com]
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: | animals, randomness, t-shirt, wolf
